I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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