Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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