drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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