My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
