I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
