So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
