where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
