Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
