Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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