Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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