Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
