Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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