i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
