My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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