dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
