im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
