Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
