You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
