This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
