Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
