with your own penis?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
