I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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