Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
