In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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