how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
