I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
