she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So here I am, sexting at work.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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