I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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