So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
