found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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