I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
