I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
