we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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