Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
