My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
