i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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