Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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