I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
