she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
