when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
