You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Best friends brother. Beat that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
