I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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