We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
