Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
