Ambien. No doubt about it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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