How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
