I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
