i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
