we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
