im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
