She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
